Tips on preparing for Trump Presidency

For Dems, #DNC2016 is the time, right down to the wire, to get on board with our hearts & minds to save our soul and support whole heartedly #ClintonKaine. But if we don’t do that, then here are some tips, how I am getting ready for Trump Presidency.

To my Muslim friends: I want to take the opportunity to bid you teary farewell.  It’s been a pleasure knowing you – some of you lived here, before I stepped foot in America, some of you were born here and some chose this as a path to your own spiritual journey. You will all be sorely missed. As American refugees, you will have to find a friendly country, to take you in. All of you please don’t go to Canada, lest we are forced to build another wall at the other border or worse still, force our friendly neighbor to pay for the wall.  I’ve heard, there is an island somewhere in the Pacific, but as an American, I don’t have much more information – despite Galileo’s insistence so long ago, we in America, tend to believe that we are the center of the universe and have very little information about the rest of the world.  Feel free to check google, for information and directions to a friendly nation to take you in.

Yes, America might be built on people escaping persecution, on the basis of race and religion, but under Mr. Trump, we are doing a flip on everything we had believed in:

I would like to remind my Muslim friends to take enough food to last for 8 years (hope it is enough time to memorize the phrase “I don’t believe in Sharia”; meanwhile we will work to get you in at the end of eight years. But just in case we are not successful, please learn to grow your own food.  Don’t think however for a minute that like Japan, you will get away with exporting your surplus food to the US, unless you are willing to take… err let’s see what America exports… one of our top exports is art and antiquities (some of which can include our highly prized guns that are now antique items as we all use semis…  Yes, so be prepared to import our stuff. Oh and don’t ever go celebrating the attacks on Americans, like you did, after 9/11.

To my “Mexican” friends: It doesn’t matter how long ago you came to this country, you might as well start packing your bags too. Think about how fortunate you are —- unlike my Muslim friends, at least you don’t have to waste time trying to find directions to a friendly nation — you can take the same tunnel back (the one you used 55 years back) — or President Trump might even open the BIG DOOR to let you out.  Also he has promised that you will be “rounded up in a very nice and humane way”.  About your children born here?……. Errr well….for the time being, feel free to leave them here…(but don’t quote me, I’ve to check the policy on this one).

To my Mentally Unstable friends: I am sorry, we are not likely to have mental health services in the budget.  But fear not, we are making America safe again, and we plan to build more prisons.  Should you happen to put your hands onto one of those easily available weapons of mass destruction, we will house you in our state of the art penitentiary with solitary confinement cells.  But please be in the state with no death penalty laws, else you are out of luck and you can pray that the drug cocktail you receive will be sound enough to do a quick job.

To my African American friends: What!!!  Where did you come up with “black lives matter” concept? What an original and absolutely foolish idea?  We may not believe that “all men are created equal” or in the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, but come on, everyone knows that all lives matter. I’m sure Trump’s African American knew that. So please get a handle on yourselves.  Oh and haven’t you seen Mr. Trump’s retweets of crime statistics with much higher rates of black people killing whites. Ok, so these inflated statistics and most of all other stats quoted by Mr. Trump are wrong, but we all know statistics lie. So just believe it, because Mr. Trump says so, just like the 70% of us voting for Trump know in our hearts “he will shake things up” and as long as he says so; we don’t ask him or care to know “how” he will do it.
BTW watch at 1:45 on how white people don’t get locked up –

To my Japanese American friends:  First of all, let us defend history, history is always right and Japanese internment might have been the right thing to do.  If you have pledged allegiance to the United States then you should agree that it is important to win at all costs.  Come on, join Mr. Trump and “win a few wars”, then you’ll get the idea.

To my LGBT and Q friends: Please don’t consider yourselves special interest group. “One thing that distinguishes President Trump from the other Republican leaders are his liberal views on LGBTQ issues”.  He even congratulated two men on their marriage, in 2005.  Some time back, Mr. Angelo, President of a Republican group that supports gay rights, said about Mr. Trump that he will be the most gay friendly President ever.  Yes, Mr. Trump did bring in an evangelical, Mr Pence as his running mate ( , but Mr, Trump is not in the habit of listening to anyone, or backing down from pressure; so fear not.  He does do flip-flops depending on his mood but he also does flip-flops on his prior flip-flops; so be optimistic.
Trump vs. Trump on Stephen Colbert: (watch around 3:20)

To my Police officer friends: You will get all the help you need from President Trump, except for gun reform. Please forget about your demands for restrictive gun laws.  Mr, Trump has said that the “police are the most mistreated people in America and we have to give the power back to the police, because crime is rampant in America”.  Now you might say, you’ve been doing a great job and crime rates have actually been falling for decades.  But numbers lie, and we all need to have blind faith in President Trump; with rhetoric, he will make America safe again.  So relax, don’t worry about snipers perched atop tall buildings targeting the cops, they are expected to run when they hear Mr. T’s rhetoric.

To Parents: New rules… aww just as we learn to raise kids, the rules change upon us.  But it is now proven that teaching kids violence, rudeness, lies, and equipping them with inflated ego, will get them places. Oh also plagiarism is in and they must never take responsibility, if caught doing any of these. If you want your children to succeed in life, then it falls upon you to impart proper values as exhibited by Mr. T, (as help, look out for soon to be out “A child’s first book on Trump” that can help explain to a child what a trump is).  Your children will never again have to think before saying something (it is called political correctness and it is out). See how our President has perfected the art of lying, we may offer degrees in lying at one of the Trump universities: (he lies every 5 minutes (must-see):
CNN busts Trump on lying
Trump’s top 10 lies from his pausing as his publicist, to inflated crime numbers to deflated employment numbers to his bankruptcy to his stance on women to his donating money:   

To job seekers: As a recruiter, I have to add this little piece of advice. While Mr. Trump is going to make America work again, remember, when you apply for jobs, you shall be judged on the basis of your heritage and your race will be invoked when assessing your qualification to do your job.  Consider your vocation carefully – if you are a Mexican American then forget about aspiring to be a judge….

To Mr. John McCain (decorated Vietnam war veteran – before Mr Trump brought us to reality): How can you be captured? Don’t you know that winners never get captured? Mr. Trump has lied and lied and lied and has totally evaded capture — now that defines a winner, doesn’t it?  I could have picked any number of hundreds of thousands of leaders but I picked you Mr. McCain, as an example to send the message out to the entire military – please evade capture, under all circumstances because if you do get captured by the enemy then you will have more to fear from your own countrymen than the enemy.

To my technology sector friends and leaders (except our prominent gay person, Mr. Theil):
We have read your letter and seen your fears that Trump Presidency could mar innovation.  But fear not…. Or remember, there is lot more to fear than that… For instance, watch Seth Meyers at 2 min. (on death, destruction, and weakness):  And remember, innovation is not all what it’s made out to be… After all, Melania Trump’s speech was the best speech at #RNC2016, wasn’t it?

To my lawyer friends: Relax, President Trump will love you, your jobs are secure.  From being sued for defamation etc. to suing people, Mr Trump will keep you busy. (watch at 7 minutes)
John Oliver on Trump’s 3500 law suits  President Trump will also likely pay legal fees for all who incite or engage in violence, on his behalf–mIg .

To my girlfriends: Come on…. If his views on women bothered you then we wouldn’t be here, would we?  But how much do you want people to trust you, “with blood coming out of whereever”; which may be the reason that every time President to be Mr. Trump insulted one of us, his ratings only went up.
Trump’s views on women:  But still to appease you, he has engaged his daughter to vocalize some women’s causes, now and then, so you are expected to be on board.

To young people: Same as above — if you cared, we wouldn’t  be here.
But then again… shame on you Hillary, for not connecting with our young people and their many causes: As our young people, you are the only group, we are not yet certain of; if you are on board with Trump Presidency.  But those of us getting ready for Trump Presidency are not too worried as the Hillary camp has also not yet figured out how to get you on board. I’ve heard people say that you want free stuff that dad Bernie promised. But I think, you want to be heard and understood and you want others to appreciate your challenges. Now, that’s asking for too much! My advice? No one’s listening in this election; if you just sit out and don’t vote then we anticipate that should ensure a sure victory for President Trump.  So please stay out, nurse your pain, (opioids are easily available) and see you in 8 years when you are older and more disillusioned – then you’ll just want to be right, rather than do right (as Mr. Tim Kaine said), so our party will get  you then.
Watch at 28 min.

To my friends in the media: To Washington Post, Jack Tapper, Trevor Noah, John Oliver, Seth Meyers, John Stewart, Bill Maher, Rachel Maddow, Hasan Minhaj (in fact, I did not find one Trump-friendly media source — so you all out there) – you should start fearing for your jobs.  Many of you are banned from President Trump’s media updates and President Trump has promised to sue the media for libel (yes, one of the first things he plans to work on is to repeal the law that bans politicians from suing the media for spreading accurate information – so beware!

Seth Meyers’ closer look –  Watch at 2 min (death, destruction and weakness)
141 things he has said that makes him unfit to be a president
John Oliver: watch from 2 min. On – (understandable that politicians may wish to go with feelings of people but if you plan to vote, are you going to with feeling or fact?)

TO TERRORIST ENEMIES: Just like Hillary Clinton, freshly elected President Trump is not likely to be friendly towards you, at least not initially.   While you will be water-boarded and while we are working on “becoming you”, “becoming evil”, you may want to consider this…, we don’t have a real strategy to deal with you but we have faith that Mr Trump is our law and enforcement guy.  Also, President Trump has never been against all Muslims.  He has given a ringing endorsement to former President of Iraq, Mr. Saddam Hussein, who was in fact a Sunni Muslim.  No promises here, but if you can figure out how Saddam Hussein emerged as Mr. Trump’s role model (even while Mt. T acknowledges that he was a bad guy) then you may figure out how to get Mr. Trump to be your friend. With Hillary Kaine ticket, it is absolutely not going to happen – she has experience and resolve to quosh terrorists.  

To WHITE SUPREMACIST TERRORISTS: Oh… you are one step ahead and well on your way to bonding with Mr. Trump.

Finally to all my friends: If I could, I would reach out individually to all of my 10,000+ friends and contacts on various social media channels, because Trump presidency is likely to touch each one of us in various ways.  But really, consider this an advance notice and start preparing…. However, if you feel overwhelmed with how much all our lives will be shaken up and there just isn’t enough time to prepare for it, then there is still time for an alternative.  With #ClintonKaine ticket, there may also be some disorganization but there is less rhetoric and more strategy and experience; there is humility and respect for the top job; there is experience in building alliances to get things done; there is genuine inclusiveness and respect for differences; and there is respect and promise to reach out to those more fortunate and privileged and there is real compassion and caring for those whose lives can be made better.  In short, they have a recipe for moving us forward. Clinton and Kaine will reach out and tap into their colleagues’ experiences for a stronger, forward-looking America.  If you get on board for voting with your conscience and give a strong endorsement to Clinton and Kaine then you can relax.  The pressure is off.  But former President Mr. Bill Clinton better start learning how to throw the right kind of parties and pick out the right china.
Seth Meyers: It’s funny, but it’s serious, how he’s funding his campaign: Seth Meyers:
Trevor Noah (no Clinton has weeknesses but Trump?:
Seth Meyers (ClintonKaine stay off of engaging with Trump on social media & stay focused on and tweet us your strategy)
Bill Maher (at 3 min):
Bill Maher:
Bill Maher:



  1. #1 by Ramji Patel on July 26, 2016 - 12:00 pm

    Darshna I like your presentation and more connected with you tube.well done.No wounder you do  not have time.Phone me or e-mail me when you have time.Keep it up.Well wisher ramjibhai 

  2. #2 by pipermcn on July 26, 2016 - 5:55 pm

    Fabulous! You have outdone yourself!

  3. #3 by Katie Dunlap on July 29, 2016 - 5:39 pm

    Hilarious, and we need a sense of humor. The funniest parts to me were the part about building a wall to keep Muslims from coming back into the United States from Canada, how we didn’t know enough to help them find an island to go to, and the part about Bill Clinton selecting China.

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